“Dot, (a.k.a. ‘The Hyphenator’)” (Stories From The Vault)

“Dot, (a.k.a. ‘The Hyphenator’)”

My name is Lady Esmerelda Alyce Clytemnestra Dominika Cosette Caprica Chimaka Bernadette Elleora Angelika Isabella Earnestine Alexandrea Cynthia Dottingham III. You can call me Dot. This is MY story of spiders, CD’s, cats, and snobby wrapping paper. I live in a basement. I know, total drag. It’s so boring in the basement! Why do I live in here anyway? I hate it! Plus there is that snobbish wrapping paper ‘Madame’ Sofia Bernardetta Elizabeth Annabella Rosalie Delilah Dragoslava Candelara Aishwarya Apollimriya Aleksandrina Margaret Anastasia Evanshire II. Mouthful, but I’m sure that at least half are faked. We call her Evie. At least my buddies Lord Buddington Meatballhead Spotting (or just Buddy), the spiders and I do.

It was an ordinary day. Evie was lecturing me on proper etiquette AGAIN. I was so not paying attention. I probably should have. Anyway my BFF’s the spiders came and scared some of the glossy sheen off of Madame-I-have-lots-of-weird-middle-names-fear-the-amount-of-bordeom-I-will-cause-but not really-because-I-am-old-and-have-not-self-esteem-pity-my-self-serving-back-stabbing-paper-rolls. In addition to Dot, some people call me ‘the hyphenator’. Some fun in the dirty, grimy, moldy, basement for once that was. Thank Merlin, or whoever decided to move the cat box upstairs though, that was worse!

I had sunk very far into my musings. Then I had the feeling I was being picked up. So long suckers I thought. I was never going to darken this basement’s door again! Well, next thing I new I was being cut. This really was the first time ever but it was strange. It was like I was, aware of both the cut off piece of myself, and my roll. This had never happened before, I could tell.

So I minded my own business, and Evie minded hers, until I was back again, after playing with buddy under the tree. Christmas time was fun! I had never felt so; alive I mean it was so invigorating! It was the best time of my life. The girl who was opening the presents, and her cousins as well were so- so excited, not just for the gift but seeing everyone else as well! So naturally it was such a drag to go back to the basement.

Only then did I pause to wonder why I could still feel the entirety of my cut off pieces. I consulted Buddy about it and he informed me that it was the same with all wrapping paper with dots that he had encountered. He was such a snob about it to! Honestly! Then we both just cracked up. It was a very likeable Christmas overall. Also I guess things aren’t so bad in the basement after all. Sure it was a little boring, dirty, and cold… but I’m getting off topic. The spiders are nice, always helpful, and Buddy visits frequently. So I like the basement. My scraps live a hard life though. Sitting next to a rotting fruit and spoiled uncooked meat… ugh. No I have a perfectly fine life in the basement. Plus I can do scrap recall at anytime and just have them there. Then they disappear and I get bigger. Actually, they are really just re-connecting.  Oh well. So that’s my story. I left a scrap in the girl’s room though. I find the CD’s I had wrapped at Christmas enjoyable.

THE END