Mornings: A Sestina
The sun begins to shine, beating against the snow.
Light reflects through the window, I shield my eyes,
hiding my head under yours, and I feel you smile.
A moment passes. I think you are asleep before your hand,
warm and steady, moves across my hip as you pull me close.
We could lay together forever and a day, were it allowed in the world.
When the alarm goes off I sigh, you groan “Why in the world–”
If it were up to me, I’d forget obligations and we’d play in the snow.
But that isn’t how life works. I try to get up. “5 minutes.” I hold you close.
“Okay.” This time, I don’t hide my face, and look into your eyes.
Ten minutes later we detangle, only we are still pressed together by hands.
“Don’t go” you whisper. All I can do is apologize with a wistful smile.
I think them a rather curious thing, smiles.
Yours, I could look at for ages, and I would tear apart worlds
If anyone ever dared to take a single one away. Only your hands,
could stay any actions I might take. I do not want to cross the snow.
I want to stay with you this morning. I feel it is the last time I’ll see your eyes.
Now it is my world being torn apart. Our time is coming to a close.
Not for a lack of trying, I couldn’t keep you close.
After a time too much came between, unfixable by smiles.
I woke up next to a pillow. I miss your brown eyes.
Even after all I gave, you chose the world.
I should have known better. Once melted grass is dead under snow.
But still I wish to have one more morning to touch your hand.
I hope you think of me, of dawns, of long mornings, of hands,
of interlaced fingers and what could have been and what was so close.
I hope you remember times spent laughing in fresh snow,
of carefree kisses where they couldn’t say our love was wrong, of smiles.
I never imagined a time without you by my side, but now our worlds
are so very far apart, and I can only see you when I shut my eyes.
III. I do not want to answer the door at dawn, but I open my eyes.
You have been knocking, and once opened, still poised is your hand.
“I do not care about them. A world without you is not my world.”
I am numb. I waited so long. But you were too slow, and now you are too close.
Memories flash by as you give me one of your shy and hopeful smiles.
My blood warms and floods from my heart like we are in Springtime and it is snow.
Until the world comes crashing in. She calls from the room and you meet my eyes.
“I am too late.” Time stops us like salt on a snowy street stops a falling child. I grasp your hand.
Your fingers close around mine. “There is no such thing as forever.” And we share a sad smile.