Feeling Good

Birds flying high, you know how I feel

I have a very intense fear of heights. But the thing about having a fear of heights, is that having a fear of heights is not about the fear of being up high, it is about the fear of falling. It is the fear of having nothing to catch you. I have dreams of being in the body of a bird, of flying, and in those dreams I have no fear of falling because I will catch myself on my wings. It is the plummeting crash that I fear. The view from up high is amazing, the fear is the potential to fall.

Sun in the sky, you know how I feel

What was it like, to be Icarus, flying too close to the sun? It feels strange to me, the way he is often used as a cautionary tale. Cautionary tales in general are odd things, but I find it so grim that Icarus died and was punished for reaching for the sun, when all he was doing was embracing his freedom after living his entire life locked in a castle as punishment for his father’s actions. After all, depending on how you age him Icarus was only a baby or toddler at most when Daedalus was locked away, and he was in his teens when he died. He spent his whole life listening to the commands of others. Is it so surprising that when he was given wings he wanted to fly?

Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how I feel

There’s nothing quite like a soft summer breeze on a hot day. When a lazy drift of cool air passes through, bringing fresh scents and refreshment on what is otherwise a sweltering environment. Nothing like the swirling winds of winter, sharp and cold, which can drop temperatures below freezing. The weather in New England likes to play games, something that has only gotten worse in recent years as climate change continues to affect the planet. I look upon this Earth and all that we have done to it with sadness, and cherish the precious days in which I can spend quiet moments in nature, book in hand underneath the shade of a tree.

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel

I’m a pisces sun, and I absolutely love the water, so I’ve often been referred to as a bit of a fish. When I was younger (and honestly still) I wished I could be a mermaid. Living in the water seems like it would be so fun, and often more interesting then on land, considering how little of the ocean has been explored thus far. There’s a whole world of mystery in the ocean. Perhaps its better that way, though? Considering the history of colonization that humanity has had, the ways in which we have destroyed so much that we have been in contact with, maybe it is better that those parts of the ocean are isolated from us, protected from us. Perhaps if we were to go there, we would do more harm than good.

River running free, you know how I feel

I love rivers. As I said, water is my closest element. (I’m also a cancer rising.) The way that rivers are always flowing, always changing, yet in many ways staying the same — I find it awe inspiring. Rivers are connectors, constantly moving, constantly changing, constantly bridging the gap from place to place — while also creating a barrier. They’re beautiful and terrible all at once. Rivers speak to my soul in a way that I cannot quite explain.

Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel

I spoke of how I love reading under trees. Trees are such amazing creatures, the way that they create life, both in that they are life, they are alive, but they create the oxygen we need to breathe. They’re beautiful, they’re essential, and their loss breaks my heart. Watching a tree bloom is watching a miracle. And, did you know, there is no such thing as a tree? It’s not a taxonomic group. We just call a tree a tree and it is, with a variable definition.

It’s a new dawn

Every day the sun rises and sets. And when it rises, we have this creature called Dawn. For a brief series of moments, the sun is neither up nor down, and we witness as sol creeps up over the horizon. This is dawn. The sky is scattered with rosy-pink. This is the phenomena attributed to Eos, Aurora, and Ēostre. In the Odyssey, book eight opens with “Soon Dawn appeared and touched the sky with roses.”[1] This resetting is something that many people often miss, as they wake up after the sun. Personally, the windows in my current home face the east and so I rarely get to watch the sun rise properly these days, though in the winter I often wake long before dawn. When I get the chance it’s something I do not like to miss.

It’s a new day

Every morning I start the day with a prayer. It’s fairly simple. I pray to the gods, I ask them to bless the day, protect the health and happiness of those I love, and aid in my writing. Fairly simple stuff, with add-ons if there is anything particularly significant going on in my life at the time. In my prayers I call each day a blank slate, because that’s how I try to treat each day, as a blank slate of endless possibilities. I do my best to imagine a world of potential, a world in which mistakes can be corrected and people can be cared for. It’s the best any of us can do.

It’s a new life for me

Life is complicated right now. We are still living in the midst of a pandemic, and things are hard for a lot of people in new ways, and in ways that they have been and continue to be. Personally I’m on the verge of making some pretty big changes in my life for 2022, so we’ll see where that leads me. 2021 definitely had a helluva big impact on me, and the 7 tattoos, 2.5 podcasts, and 5.6k+ minutes listening to Lil Nas X are the least of it. I hope that wherever this year has led you, 2022 is even better.

And I’m feeling good

[1]Homer. The Odyssey. Translated by Emily R. Wilson. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2018.