Words of Wisdom: Sh*t My Professors Said in 2016

I pride myself on being a dedicated note taker, capturing every last detail, and over the course of my time at Brandeis, I’ve sat in a whole host of Lectures. I decided that in addition to sharing some of what I’ve learned about my course subjects, I would also share some key words of wisdom shared by professors both current and past. This is the first post in a series, and includes words of Wisdom from professors that I took classes with in 2016.

Fall 2016

What if in 10,000 years people thought that American Idol was literature?

We are not as judgmental as Russian intellectuals.

Dropping Tibetan names makes things sound much more beautiful.

People often ignore Hellenistic influence on Romans, which is stupid because it’s the period in between Greek and Roman.

Never think that all of the work has been done.

If you don’t know what it is, it’s probably religious.

If you are into philosophy you will like Manichaeism.

Annoying as in they put up a pink flamingo, or annoying as in they are going to kill you?

Spring 2016

I’ve decided to give up my job as a Professor of Shakespeare to write 50 Shades of Grey.

If you know how to have a good time why don’t you?

Would a Roman call that unfaithful? No, they’d call it Tuesday.

It will kill me, and I will take you with me.

I am the grammarian about whom your mother warned you.

I maintain this to the death (and I mean yours). I’m old and sneaky and fat.

Why don’t you just shoot yourself in the leg? It seems kinder in the long run.

He was writing a paper on the Aeneid and misspelled it five times.

I actually sat in my TA’s office and whimpered.

Let this be a lesson about being a philosopher and trusting German kings.

Since everybody dies, I don’t think of it as a punishment … We’re all kind of sinful, so I guess we deserve it too.

How many times do you have to be forgiven before people say no? That’s a logical solution which no one ever goes for.

There’s no logic in religion.

The poor man’s just trying to do his job, why are you trying to make him kill you?

They used to write home and say “please send socks.”

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is not.

He was wearing a suit, why does it matter?

Doesn’t even give frequent flyer miles for the guilt trip.

Any sentence that starts with “if you love me” you don’t want to hear the rest of it.

Like my father says “opinions are like assholes, everyone has them and they smell.”

You need to make sure that they are old enough to not kill each other, or torture each other, or whatever they do at that age.

Monks had way too much time on their hands.

He really needs to get out more.

Do you like poetry? Would you rather be nibbled to death by ducks?

The Romans were like “yes, blood, good.”

“Kids these days” has been going on literally since 2300 BC.

Usually the person who says “gather thee rosebuds while ye may” is the one who wants to have wild passionate sex with you.

Sometimes when I talk about the 60s, I really mean the 60s. Nero.

Purple and Cerulean Blue Sheep, just what I wanted.

I have brothers, why would I fight fair?

There’s a guy whose got his shit in a pile.